MissLJBeauty

Yesterday was a real heart crushing soul destroying day for me. We got a message from my mother in law at 11pm on Thursday night. Their dog Molly is very ill and was being put to sleep the next day.  Molly was off her food last week. Which is very strange for her. They saw some blood in her pee so rushed her to the vet. It was the worst possible news Molly has cancer in her stomach which had spread to her organs. There was no choice but for her to go to heaven. This is a huge blow to the whole family not just my mother and father in law. She spent the night at the vets. Then yesterday my mother and father in law got to take her on her final walk. Before she left us. It is so hard when it is a dog they can not tell us, Hay, I'm feeling weird or sick. They say goodbye in their way but you can not explain what is happening nor can they tell us.  We only get them for a short time and they have a huge impact on our lives.

I have known Molly for as long as I have known my in-laws. I started this blog out of my need to have somewhere to share my feelings. This is my world. I will share with highs and lows with you all.  I am devastated for my inlaws. I am in so much pain, so I can only imagine what they are feeling.

Dogs mean the world to me. You will know during my dark period My husband and dog Millie saved me from depression. I really believe they are put on this earth as a companion to us humans. I struggled in school with being bullied and dyslexia. My childhood dog would cuddle me as I cried for hours. He would cheer me up. He was my anchor in this world. I bond with dogs more than I do with humans. Yes, if you don't like dogs you will think I am crazy.  No matter what has happened dogs have been there for me. When I had no one to turn to the dogs were there.
Me and Molly
From the first day, I met Molly she really took to me. She was a gorgeous springer spaniel. Molly was a very fun girl. I remember going for the first walk with her. She was about 2 when I was introduced to the family. We took her to the local field and she ran crazy. My husband was like yeah she does that, Next thing we know Molly has gone down a badger hole. It took 20 minutes for her to come back. She was so happy with herself. I was so scared as I had heard stories of badgers killing dogs.

Some of the best memories I have of Molly. She came to visit us in Nairn. She was about 4. She had never learned to swim. I couldn't believe this as all my dogs had been spaniels and it was always hard to get them out the water. We were walking on the beach and Molly loved to run crazy. She managed to get stuck on a sandbank. It was Swim or be stranded. That was the day in Molly's life she found her passion. She loved to swim more than any dog I have ever known. She even made the local Devon paper last year as she decided to chase a seal out of the bay at Broadsands where she lives. She was so far out that the photographer got worried. He went to speak to my father in law. Who happily confirmed this is Molly usual swimming spot and she was fine just showing off.

Molly was known locally as the crazy swimming dog. She would frequently swim from one cove to another. Leaving my in-laws to just walk around and wait for her. She also did the funniest thing. If there was a bhoy. She would have to swim up to it and touch it with her nose.

My bond with Molly was special. She trusted me like no other. I was the only one who was allowed to groom her. Now, I live in the north of Scotland and she lives in Devon. So I didn't see her that often But she loved me. Even my inlaws couldn't groom her as she would try to bite them. No, she was not aggressive she just hated being groomed. But I was allowed to do it. I would spend hours brushing and cutting her long fur off. I am sitting here in tears as I write this. I honestly can't believe she has gone.



Millie and Molly
Here is one of the even harder things for us as a family. My dog Millie loves Molly. In her eyes, Molly is the best dog. Now, this is strange because Millie only like a couple people and even fewer dogs. She is not mean or aggressive. Actually the opposite. She just doesn't take to people.  But Molly is her best friend. She is the only dog she gets excited to see and sniff. Millie knows something is wrong as I am crying a lot. But she won't know what until we go to my inlaws in June. I am heartbroken for her. Yes I talk to my dogs and I have told her but until she goes to Molly's home and can't see or smell her she won't know.

Grieving
I am grieving for Molly. I know I hurt more just now than I would for most humans who pass. You might find this hard to understand. If anyone dares say to me she is only a dog. I will explode. She was and is my family. I love her. I don't expect everyone to understand my feelings. Just as I don't understand other peoples feelings. But I always respect them if I can. I am scared for the first trip to Devon without Molly. As I don't want to upset my inlaws again but I know I won't be able to stop my tears for Molly.

What I believe is next
I am not sure what happens when we die.  But I like to believe it is a heaven type place. Molly is no longer in pain. She is just having fun and waiting for all of us. She will spend her days swimming and sleeping in front of the fire. She will be eating her favourite treats be the healthiest she has ever been. surrounded by her toys. She loved her toys. I hope to see you again Little Molly dog. I wish I could have said goodbye properly. But you will always have a place in my heart. You had a fantastic life and I will miss you greatly.  Bye for now Princess.