As you know I'm doing health and fitness on my blog at the moment.
As promised I will explain what helps me get through my depression anxiety and panic attacks.
Meet Millie
It had been at least 2 months since I had left my house. When my fiancé at the time said the magic words I had so longed to hear for years "I think it's time we got a dog". So we looked far and wide and found Millie she was 1 and a half when we got her. She gave me a reason to leave the house, she needs to be walked and she needed to go to the toilet. This gave me a reason to leave the house. I had to look after Millie. From day one Millie bonded with me and she seems to understand my pain when I spent hours crying she cuddled me even licked my tears a few times. She knew she was here to look after me and to this day she still helps me in ways she and I will never understand. We would go out for walks and she wouldn't go too far as she seemed to know I was on edge.
Therapy
My job at the time caused my depression I was bullied for having dyslexia. I was referred to occupational health and to a wonderful man called Adrian who gave me help in many ways including
cognitive behavioural therapy. Now before I had any help I was a complete sceptic. I was brought up to not show my feelings and as you know my family have disowned me for having depression as I should snap out of it! "It's not a real thing" etc. but I had weeks of therapy and I could finally go out the house further and further and more importantly I could understand I can not control other people and I can only control me and what I think. Although some times I let my thought run at a thousand miles an hour.
Adrian also taught me ways to control my panic attacks and how to stop them from coming to a head. He gave me classes on my mind and what was happening when I would get into a cycle of over thinking and negative thoughts.
Medication
I was put on what the Americas call Prozac. I was again not sure what to think about being put on "happy pills". But these have helped me they seem to clear my mind and just up my mood.
I am still on these tablets and I hope to come off them soon. If you are hesitating about the medication I don't think I could have gotten through my depression without them in my life. Feel free to email me missljbeauty@googlemail.com
My now hubby
My gorgeous man, he has helped me in so many ways he has held me whilst I cried, whilst I told him I didn't want to live any more. He has listened to my same stories over and over and over my worries and nightmares. He has had a sleepless night with me crying endlessly. I honestly don't think anyone else would have been there for me like he was.
My friend's gem and Michelle.
This is a strange statement but I was very lucky that my friend Mic was going through the same thing as me and I had her to talk to spending endless hours on the phone to each other explaining what was going on in our minds. Her worries were my worries and this made me feel like I'm not alone.
Gem was always a phone call away even with her pregnant or with a little baby to just listen to me and make me feel normal again by just talking to me.
Both these girls are another reason I am here today writing this.
Bloggers
Yes, this one will seem strange too but in my darkest time, I started missljbeauty and meet some wonderful people. I have to mention some very special girls @aaamylouxo @gemzbyemz @glitterbugsbqt @shellywelly28 @kiniapinky there are so many more who have helped me but I'd be here all day writing them in here. I never felt along as I had my twitter girls to talk to and it was lovely to have them to chat to. These girls are so lovely.
My blog gave me a purpose to focus on something that I loved and to my surprise people wanted to hear what I had to say. So maybe I am worth something.
Fitness
I have always liked to work out and getting back into fitness without pressure was a great way to pass my long days stuck in my mind. This gave me an escape for an hour a day. Space to think about nothing but the job in hand.
Meditation
I used to be an actress in another life or so it feels. I would YouTube a guided mediation when I started to feel a panic coming in and lie on my living room floor and let this wash over me and try to unravel my complicated thoughts. I really recommend this I think mindfulness is a great ap.
Loving my job & Moving house
I left my "dream job" this was the best thing for me. Not because I hated the job but I had to get out of my situation I can not work for an organisation who do not understand my dyslexia and have no willing to help me only make matters worse. My hubby was disgusted with my treatment so applied for another post a hours drive away from where we worked which also gave us a free house so less pressure on me to have to find a job.
I know this is not easy for everyone and this is just what helped me. Life is to short why stay somewhere that is making you miserable. My family have never understood why I would leave such a good job but for me, this was the best thing to do.
As I write this I hope this helps at least one of you. I will do another post in this as this one is getting long
Feel free to email me if you are having issues and want to talk to someone.
Missljbeauty xoxox
